A couple weeks ago, I was with a group of friends and one of my guy friends facetiously called another friend a pussy! Of course, all hell broke loose, with me as the epicenter of that hell! I have NO objections to people cursing or using crude language, especially since my day is incomplete without, at least, 10 - 15 F-Bombs before noon! However, what pisses the crap out of me is this gendered bullshit that is considered acceptable by most people. So, I told him, that from now on, he has my full permission, particularly in my presence, to use the word “penis” as a pejorative. He thought it was quite funny, so I laughed with him, for a second … to humor him (I was, in essence, laughing at him, not with him).

Isn’t it interesting that a male prostitute is called … precisely that, a male prostitute? And, according to the dated, conventional mindset, when a man is being rather “unmasculine”, he’s often shamed by being referred to as a “pussy.” And a woman who’s considered promiscuous - although, who the hell has the authority to come to that conclusion is another story altogether - is labeled a slut! Of course, men are hardly associated with that term and if they are, the word employed for them is … yes, you got it … a male slut. Whore, Bitch, Hoe & to a certain degree the C word (come on, we are all grown ups here and besides, I did warn you in the title) are also completely gendered and used for men with a measly “Male” prefix.

Recently, the major cities in Pakistan held their third annual Aurat March - aurat is woman in Urdu - to observe International Women’s Day. And to my utter delight, women of all ages participated in unprecedented numbers. I was SOOOO impressed and delighted at the turnout, as I was following it regularly online and getting updates via WhatsApp from my sisters, mother-in-law and friends (all of whom were involved in some capacity) from Karachi (my hometown) and Lahore (the city where I went to college). One of the most prominent themes of Aurat March 2020 was “Mera Jism Meri Marzi” - My Body My Choice. I was bowled over by some of the placards and banners that the women carried - in the most positive manner - and it made me realize how much progress Pakistan has made since 1997, when I lived and worked there before moving to San Francisco. (Random thought … don’t you just hate it when non-SF natives call it ‘Frisco’ or ‘San Fran’ ?)

Some of the thought-provoking slogans displayed on the placards that caught my eye were as follows: “If You Do It You’re A Stud And If I Do It I’m A Slut” and “Dick Pics Apnay Paas Rakho”(keep your dick pics to yourself), and “She Is Not Dressed Like A Slut. You’re Just Thinking Like A Rapist.”

The point I’m trying to illustrate is that, if the women in my beloved country of birth, with its predominantly patriarchal society can make bold statements of this nature and hold their own with brilliant slogans for the equality of women, then shouldn’t we find objectionable and/or offensive the gendered terms I listed above? My blog post is not about women’s equality or stepping into the streets holding placards to fight “slut-shaming” (which is primarily used to disparage women or gay men). Rather, this is my attempt to create awareness about a mindset that exists in societies across the board. BTW, when was the last time you saw “slut-shaming” being used in reference to a heterosexual man??

I’m no man-hating gal! However, little drops make the ocean, so please take a few minutes to pass this post on to your girlfriends AND guy friends and wives and husbands and partners and adult children. I read somewhere that “movements are built by thousands of people changing their minds,” so let this be the first drop of a new way of thinking! And perhaps, one day this too will turn into a movement!

Given the serious nature of this topic and the continued development of my brand, I decided to lighten the mood with these pics (of myself, of course!) These were taken in Paris by a brilliant young photographer whose work I deeply admire, I just had to share them with you. More details below.

I have deliberately steered clear of the ongoing medical crisis the world is currently facing. I am trying not to read every headline and news article today, so as to avoid the anxiety that will envelop me as a result. Instead, my focus is to stay as present as I possibly can. I also hope to provide some respite for you with an alternative reading option. Please stay home and stay healthy. Sending sincere love and prayers to each one of you!

Thank you for visiting & reading my blog post!

All the photos in this blog post are by Scander Aidoudi via Le Click shot at The Ritz Paris.